“Home”

Your house;
The place,
You look forward coming to
After a hectic day.

A place,
So secure,
So comfortable.
Where you feel free to do
Whatever you want to.

This venue starts feeling like home,
And there’s no other place you’d rather be at.

Slowly,
Something changes,
You start delaying your arrival.
What felt like home,
Only feels like a shelter,
A place to sleep, eat and do work in.

Why did this change take place?
Is it the people?
Is it you?
Or, is it just… Life?

Kept in the Dark

As you cried over her for the last time,
And told me about how
Pissed,
Frustrated, and
Betrayed
You felt,
I couldn’t help but think of how you would feel if I told you about my real feelings towards our relationship.

Would you feel the same way?

Kept stopping myself because I could not bring myself to hurt you any further than you already are.

But, keeping you in the dark is hurting me too.

I don’t like how this relationship of ours is going, at least on my part. I wish it was easier to let you know how I truly feel about this whole thing.

One of my Worst Decisions

You came into my life, and
Ordered me to do things
I would never do at that time.

You kept telling me
That you meant no harm
And that trusting you would never be a mistake.

But, I could never stop the voices,
That kept telling me otherwise.

Regardless,
I followed your instructions,
Walking the path you lead.

After spending so much of my time with you,
The day came.
It was time for you to go.

I would be lying if I said
I didn’t miss you when you left.
Sure, I was sad.

But now, few years after your departure,
That I’m probably more sensible than I was,
I realised how wrong you were,
How trusting you was a mistake,
How the voices that spoke to me then were right.

Most importantly,
I realised how walking the path you lead was one of the worst decisions of my life.

Numbers

These days,
It seems like
What defines us isn’t
Just our character or personality.
There is something that holds a greater weightage.

Figures displayed
On your score sheet,
On the stock markets,
Next to your follow button, and
On the weighing scale
Are what matter more recently,
In my opinion.

Once posting a picture,
One secretly hopes to get more likes than their previous post.
Once climbing onto the weighing scale,
One secretly hopes the value shown is smaller than the previous time.

It’s sad how majority of the competitions are based on these numbers and there is really nothing much we can do about it.

Blessing

Few days of minimal conversations
Followed by
A full day of catching up, and
I realise how much I missed you.

Random showers of love,
Acts of kindness,
Unconscious niceness, and
I realise how much I love you.

Always having my back, and
Never failing to
Compliment or criticise
Whenever needed
Makes me realise
How blessed I am to have you in my life.

So,
I’ll never take you for granted, and
Always treasure you
For you’re a blessing in my life
And I never want to lose you.

I Don’t Know

I know you hate staying here.
I know you hate talking to us.
I know you don’t like it here.
I know you’re forcing your conversations.
I know we are your last choice.
I know you have a problem with everything related to us.
But,
I don’t know why you still come.
I don’t know why you still talk to us.
I don’t know you don’t like us.
I don’t know why there’s a problem with anything related to us.
Lastly,
I don’t know if what I know is the truth.

Jumping To Conclusions

One argument, and
Assumptions are made.
No explanations needed, and
Accusations are placed.

The louder,
More violent, and
The most honest one is
Blamed.

What about the other one?
The quieter,
Less violent, and
Less straightforward one?

The mind is a very complex thing.
Things are assumed too soon.
A book is judged by it’s cover too quick.
What may look on the outside might be what really is on the inside.

What if,
The louder one is not at fault?
What if,
The softer one has triggered the fight?
No one will ever know.
Why?

Because,
One argument, and
Assumptions are made.
No explanations needed, and
Accusations are placed.

Was It Suppose To End Like This?

Whenever I hear,
That buzz in my phone,
I secretly hope,
That it’s not you.

It takes so much energy,
So much courage,
To click on your name
In my notifications.

Tried helping you,
To the best of my ability, but
Girl, were you stubborn,
Or was I just not enough?

I know you’re going through,
Something really hard,
Really painful.

But,
Don’t you realise,
How hard and painful,
It gets,
For me?

Oh, I sympathise with you,
I care for you,
I am worried for you.

But,
I’m sorry,
I just can’t keep up
With your negativeness,
Or should I say,
I don’t want to,
Anymore.

There was a time,
Where I would do anything to help you.
But how do I help,
If you kept hurting yourself.

But darling,
One day I hope,
You would have someone,
Or something, to
Live for.

So,
Let me pretend,
That I never knew you.
But deep down,
We both know,
It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

(Written with my dear friend, Praj)

Realisation 

Once blinded,
You never thought about anything else.
Your friends,
A way of letting out feelings.
Love,
All you ever wanted from her.
Sadness,
All she ever gave you.
Goodness,
Only thing you saw in her.
Your decision?
You chose her.

Soon,
The bad side
Was what you saw, and
Love turned to hatred.

And then you realised,
Blinded,
What you were.
Your friends,
What you neglected.
Love,
What you never got from her.
Sadness,
What you gave others ’cause of her.
Goodness,
Something that was never present.

Your decision now?
You chose those who stayed through it all.

Saying No

Saying yes is easier than saying no.
Accepting something is easier than rejecting something.
Giving an answer without thinking of an excuse is easier than coming out with millions of reasons to back out.
Agreeing is easier than disagreeing.

But why is it so? Is it because saying the 2 letter word is a chore? Or is it because it involves feelings like hurt to the other party? But really, who is the one hurting here? Saying untrue things about how you feel will only lead to complications in your relationship.

Even if saying no is harder, I feel that we should always stand up for what we feel and believe in. It’ll take a little courage, but I’m sure it’ll make you feel good.