Toxic Society

This land, land of people,
They tell you to look a certain way,
Affecting the way you view the person staring back at you on the mirror.
They create systems that make you feel that you are not good enough,
That everyone else will always be better than you.
They demand perfection,
Something no one really can humanly achieve.
They zero you down to mere numericals in every way possible.

Yet, they say it is okay to be who you are, that everyone is different and unique.

This toxic society;
Is made by us
And it’s where we live in today

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My Mind

“You’re so fat!” my mind yells,
As I look at the reflection staring right back at me when I look at the mirror.

“You’re nowhere as slim as they are,” my minds taunts me,
As my eyes wander off to the beautiful girls around me.

“Stop eating!” My mind warns me,
As I bring another spoon of my favourite dish closer to my mouth.

Something I once loved doing
Has now resulted in it becoming
Something that I hate.

I’m probably the only one who pays attention to the nitty gritty details of my body.

I don’t want this to happen.

I wish,
One day,
My mind tells me everything opposite of what it does now.

I hope that one day,
I’ll be satisfied with who and what I am.

Finally Letting it Out

“Let out your feelings!”
They say.
“You’ll feel better!”
They say.

Now that I’ve finally done that,
I don’t know if I actually do feel better.
Sure, I feel a little more open to you,
A little more relieved to let it all out.

But, pouring out my heart to you
Makes me relive all those moments again,
The moments I’ve been running away from.

I feel vulnerable.
I feel scared.

But, now that you know me better,
I hope I’ll have you by my side
To catch me when I run from myself again and again.

Lesson

It felt like a foreign land,
With no one guiding me and holding my hand
I felt lonely,
Waiting patiently for someone to own me.

The first few days were hard
As I had no one to pour my heart
When all hope was almost gone,
A small light at the end of the tunnel was found.

Slowly, but surely,
Things got better.
I found friends of the same platter.

Hence, I will continue being positive
As I have learnt that
Patience is a virtue
And everything happens for a reason.

Changed

You are a changed person.
Last time I checked, you weren’t like this.
I don’t know what that place did to you.
I’m afraid of going there.

You know what makes me sad?
The fact that behind all that positiveness that you display, there’s hurt and sadness.
I really really want to help you,
But I don’t know how.

I love you and
I really hope you find your happy place soon ❤

Self-love: Not Found

She knows that inner beauty
Is greater than
Outer beauty

But, it doesn’t stop her mind
From pointing out all the flaws she has
About how she’s too big,
Too hairy
And never enough for herself

She goes around,
Trying to show that she’s confident
With herself
But in reality,
She never liked being in her own body

Everyone is always
Much prettier and
Much more beautiful than her

There’s only one thing
She’s been looking for
The thing that’s nowhere to be found by her

And that is,
Self-love.

You Don’t Know Me

You do all these things for me,
That I love,
Making me think that
You actually understand me.

But,
One misunderstanding,
One argument,
And so much is said,
Which makes me realise that
You know nothing about me.

Yes, you know my exterior self,
But do you know how I actually am?
What and how I feel?

You assume too many things,
And jump to conclusions
That are all false.

You feel that you’ve got me all figured out
By how I am around you.
Which, by the way,
Is completely wrong.

Maybe, for once,
Try to think of things from my point of view
To, perhaps, understand me better.

Because if not,
You don’t have any right to say anything about me.

She Liked Him But He Loved Her

He would do everything for her,
And she would just thank him for it.

He would go all out to show his support to her,
And she would post his way of support on her social media.

He would tell her about all her good qualities,
And she would just accept it, while smiling.

He would tell her how much he loves her,
And she would just say “love you too”.

He appreciates her for who she is,
And she does too,
But, she likes him
While he loves her.

“Home”

Your house;
The place,
You look forward coming to
After a hectic day.

A place,
So secure,
So comfortable.
Where you feel free to do
Whatever you want to.

This venue starts feeling like home,
And there’s no other place you’d rather be at.

Slowly,
Something changes,
You start delaying your arrival.
What felt like home,
Only feels like a shelter,
A place to sleep, eat and do work in.

Why did this change take place?
Is it the people?
Is it you?
Or, is it just… Life?

Kept in the Dark

As you cried over her for the last time,
And told me about how
Pissed,
Frustrated, and
Betrayed
You felt,
I couldn’t help but think of how you would feel if I told you about my real feelings towards our relationship.

Would you feel the same way?

Kept stopping myself because I could not bring myself to hurt you any further than you already are.

But, keeping you in the dark is hurting me too.

I don’t like how this relationship of ours is going, at least on my part. I wish it was easier to let you know how I truly feel about this whole thing.