Lost

We’ve lost the conversations,
We used to have with each other.
We’ve lost the love,
We had for each other.
The mutual respect is lost.
It’s so hard to even exchange a word.
Gone are those days where we would Look forward to spending time together.
Everything has changed,
And I wonder what caused it
Because everything was perfect when we were together.

Days

Day 1
We were inseperable.

Day 3
You found them.

Day 7
You included them in ‘us’.

Day 10
You did everything, with them, like them.

Day 14
I was the second option.

Day 20
I was no longer part of ‘us’.

Day 30
You guys were inseperable.

She Liked Him But He Loved Her

He would do everything for her,
And she would just thank him for it.

He would go all out to show his support to her,
And she would post his way of support on her social media.

He would tell her about all her good qualities,
And she would just accept it, while smiling.

He would tell her how much he loves her,
And she would just say “love you too”.

He appreciates her for who she is,
And she does too,
But, she likes him
While he loves her.

Kept in the Dark

As you cried over her for the last time,
And told me about how
Pissed,
Frustrated, and
Betrayed
You felt,
I couldn’t help but think of how you would feel if I told you about my real feelings towards our relationship.

Would you feel the same way?

Kept stopping myself because I could not bring myself to hurt you any further than you already are.

But, keeping you in the dark is hurting me too.

I don’t like how this relationship of ours is going, at least on my part. I wish it was easier to let you know how I truly feel about this whole thing.

One of my Worst Decisions

You came into my life, and
Ordered me to do things
I would never do at that time.

You kept telling me
That you meant no harm
And that trusting you would never be a mistake.

But, I could never stop the voices,
That kept telling me otherwise.

Regardless,
I followed your instructions,
Walking the path you lead.

After spending so much of my time with you,
The day came.
It was time for you to go.

I would be lying if I said
I didn’t miss you when you left.
Sure, I was sad.

But now, few years after your departure,
That I’m probably more sensible than I was,
I realised how wrong you were,
How trusting you was a mistake,
How the voices that spoke to me then were right.

Most importantly,
I realised how walking the path you lead was one of the worst decisions of my life.

Blessing

Few days of minimal conversations
Followed by
A full day of catching up, and
I realise how much I missed you.

Random showers of love,
Acts of kindness,
Unconscious niceness, and
I realise how much I love you.

Always having my back, and
Never failing to
Compliment or criticise
Whenever needed
Makes me realise
How blessed I am to have you in my life.

So,
I’ll never take you for granted, and
Always treasure you
For you’re a blessing in my life
And I never want to lose you.

I Don’t Know

I know you hate staying here.
I know you hate talking to us.
I know you don’t like it here.
I know you’re forcing your conversations.
I know we are your last choice.
I know you have a problem with everything related to us.
But,
I don’t know why you still come.
I don’t know why you still talk to us.
I don’t know you don’t like us.
I don’t know why there’s a problem with anything related to us.
Lastly,
I don’t know if what I know is the truth.

Was It Suppose To End Like This?

Whenever I hear,
That buzz in my phone,
I secretly hope,
That it’s not you.

It takes so much energy,
So much courage,
To click on your name
In my notifications.

Tried helping you,
To the best of my ability, but
Girl, were you stubborn,
Or was I just not enough?

I know you’re going through,
Something really hard,
Really painful.

But,
Don’t you realise,
How hard and painful,
It gets,
For me?

Oh, I sympathise with you,
I care for you,
I am worried for you.

But,
I’m sorry,
I just can’t keep up
With your negativeness,
Or should I say,
I don’t want to,
Anymore.

There was a time,
Where I would do anything to help you.
But how do I help,
If you kept hurting yourself.

But darling,
One day I hope,
You would have someone,
Or something, to
Live for.

So,
Let me pretend,
That I never knew you.
But deep down,
We both know,
It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

(Written with my dear friend, Praj)

Realisation 

Once blinded,
You never thought about anything else.
Your friends,
A way of letting out feelings.
Love,
All you ever wanted from her.
Sadness,
All she ever gave you.
Goodness,
Only thing you saw in her.
Your decision?
You chose her.

Soon,
The bad side
Was what you saw, and
Love turned to hatred.

And then you realised,
Blinded,
What you were.
Your friends,
What you neglected.
Love,
What you never got from her.
Sadness,
What you gave others ’cause of her.
Goodness,
Something that was never present.

Your decision now?
You chose those who stayed through it all.

Nightmare 

​The first few weeks,

The best days of my life,

Everything, I thought,

Was in my favour.
You were so good,

So nice,

So friendly,

I fell deeper.
People warned me,

To beware of you,

But I refused to believe.
Few months in and,

Something changed, 

The fire I once felt, 

Extingushed. 

I was crushed.

The spark we had between us, 

Was nothing more than tension, 

Drifting us apart, 

You started to leave.
Day by day, 

You got colder and colder, 

Like the weather during winter,

Like ice frozen in the freezer.
Leaving me wondering,

If I was to be blamed,

For the changes that took place.

Slowly, but surely, 

I knew something was wrong. 

I tried to question you, 

But all I got were lies.

There was a limit as to how much I could take,
And once I had enough,

I did something,

I never thought I would,

I left.

I left this feeling that made me feel so safe, 

That made me feel so happy. 

But most important of all, 

I left what was killing me inside.

(Written with my friend, Andrea)