Toxic Society

This land, land of people,
They tell you to look a certain way,
Affecting the way you view the person staring back at you on the mirror.
They create systems that make you feel that you are not good enough,
That everyone else will always be better than you.
They demand perfection,
Something no one really can humanly achieve.
They zero you down to mere numericals in every way possible.

Yet, they say it is okay to be who you are, that everyone is different and unique.

This toxic society;
Is made by us
And it’s where we live in today

My Mind

“You’re so fat!” my mind yells,
As I look at the reflection staring right back at me when I look at the mirror.

“You’re nowhere as slim as they are,” my minds taunts me,
As my eyes wander off to the beautiful girls around me.

“Stop eating!” My mind warns me,
As I bring another spoon of my favourite dish closer to my mouth.

Something I once loved doing
Has now resulted in it becoming
Something that I hate.

I’m probably the only one who pays attention to the nitty gritty details of my body.

I don’t want this to happen.

I wish,
One day,
My mind tells me everything opposite of what it does now.

I hope that one day,
I’ll be satisfied with who and what I am.

Finally Letting it Out

“Let out your feelings!”
They say.
“You’ll feel better!”
They say.

Now that I’ve finally done that,
I don’t know if I actually do feel better.
Sure, I feel a little more open to you,
A little more relieved to let it all out.

But, pouring out my heart to you
Makes me relive all those moments again,
The moments I’ve been running away from.

I feel vulnerable.
I feel scared.

But, now that you know me better,
I hope I’ll have you by my side
To catch me when I run from myself again and again.

Lesson

It felt like a foreign land,
With no one guiding me and holding my hand
I felt lonely,
Waiting patiently for someone to own me.

The first few days were hard
As I had no one to pour my heart
When all hope was almost gone,
A small light at the end of the tunnel was found.

Slowly, but surely,
Things got better.
I found friends of the same platter.

Hence, I will continue being positive
As I have learnt that
Patience is a virtue
And everything happens for a reason.

Changed

You are a changed person.
Last time I checked, you weren’t like this.
I don’t know what that place did to you.
I’m afraid of going there.

You know what makes me sad?
The fact that behind all that positiveness that you display, there’s hurt and sadness.
I really really want to help you,
But I don’t know how.

I love you and
I really hope you find your happy place soon ❤

Self-love: Not Found

She knows that inner beauty
Is greater than
Outer beauty

But, it doesn’t stop her mind
From pointing out all the flaws she has
About how she’s too big,
Too hairy
And never enough for herself

She goes around,
Trying to show that she’s confident
With herself
But in reality,
She never liked being in her own body

Everyone is always
Much prettier and
Much more beautiful than her

There’s only one thing
She’s been looking for
The thing that’s nowhere to be found by her

And that is,
Self-love.

Lost

We’ve lost the conversations,
We used to have with each other.
We’ve lost the love,
We had for each other.
The mutual respect is lost.
It’s so hard to even exchange a word.
Gone are those days where we would Look forward to spending time together.
Everything has changed,
And I wonder what caused it
Because everything was perfect when we were together.

Days

Day 1
We were inseperable.

Day 3
You found them.

Day 7
You included them in ‘us’.

Day 10
You did everything, with them, like them.

Day 14
I was the second option.

Day 20
I was no longer part of ‘us’.

Day 30
You guys were inseperable.

Baby Steps

Trying your best to convey messages,
Quickly crawling away to your favourite toy,
And falling everytime you tried standing;
These were some of the few things
I loved witnessing.

Day by day,
A new change,
A new behaviour.

Today,
When I saw you,
Speaking so fluently,
Telling me everything that happened in preschool,
And running around while having fun,
I couldn’t help but think,
“Where has time gone?”

It seemed like just yesterday
When I saw you take your baby steps.

Seeing so much progress
And how much you’ve grown
Makes me very proud,
And excited for your future self.

But,
As much as I can’t wait for tomorrow to come,
I don’t want today to end.

I want to continue living this childhood of yours with you.
So, can we please, slow down on the growing up?

You Don’t Know Me

You do all these things for me,
That I love,
Making me think that
You actually understand me.

But,
One misunderstanding,
One argument,
And so much is said,
Which makes me realise that
You know nothing about me.

Yes, you know my exterior self,
But do you know how I actually am?
What and how I feel?

You assume too many things,
And jump to conclusions
That are all false.

You feel that you’ve got me all figured out
By how I am around you.
Which, by the way,
Is completely wrong.

Maybe, for once,
Try to think of things from my point of view
To, perhaps, understand me better.

Because if not,
You don’t have any right to say anything about me.