Whyyyyy

Hate, hate, ABSOLUTELY hate how complicated this whole thing is. Since I was a kid, I found it somewhat wrong to talk about them to you. It was like this fear that was instilled in us that stopped us and even caused us to lie about even visiting them to you. Whenever we got gifts or presents from them or anyone from that house, we had to hide them from you because we knew you wouldn’t like it. We even sometimes lied about where we got those things from. Rushing back home from their place before you come home, not being able to answer when you ask where that food came from or even getting scolded if we came back late from their place. You don’t even acknowledge them when you see them. We can’t even go to say ‘hi’ to them or stay with them when we attend the same functions because it upsets you. Whyyyyyyy??? It’s the same with them. Best thing is that none of us know about what actually happened for this hatred to form. Aren’t we now old enough to know about what happened???? Have you ever thought about how awkward it is for us to answer them when they ask if you hate them or why you never talk to them/them. Do you know how bad I feel when they ask us to stay over or go out with them at night to watch movie a or to go on a vacation but we can’t because you won’t like it. I hate how we suddenly get so scared to talk about them with you, forget about asking permission to go out with them. When will this end??????? The fact that outsiders can now notice this lack of interaction is just… I don’t know. I just know that this needs to stop.

I also ABSOLUTELY hate it when you talk about them or her especially. I know there are certain things that you hate about her and I know that she does things that are not very nice but you shouldn’t always start talking about how you don’t like it when she does something or start with why she’s doing that something. I know it’s not your fault to feel so (because I kinda know that she’s one of the reasons for this hatred too maybe) and I also know how we are one of your only confidantes but ugh it just frustrates me whenever you start talking about her so bitterly.

There’s so much more to this whole thing that just pisses me off. One day, I’m sure I’ll explode and start shooting questions. I don’t care if it’ll be the worst way to communicate. I’m not sure if me doing that will cause this whole thing to worsen or get better, but I’ll do it one day. I just want this to stop!!!!!

When I think of it, I feel that the main reason this happened is because one party is scared; scared of raising their voice because they feel they’ll make this whole situation worse. While the other party thinks they are the right ones. Whatever the members of their party say is true. And, too much love. Too much blind love. So blind, they can’t see past how the members of their party might be in the wrong.

Would it hurt to just be a little tolerant of one another? Do they realise how many people got and are still getting hurt because of this whole thing? It might seem that everything/everybody is happy outside, but on the inside nothing/nobody is happy.

It kinda feels good to write down how I truly feel about this whole thing.

 

(p.s. the yous and thems and theys in different styles all refer to different people/ groups of people hehe)

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